Remembering Reverend Elizabeth Olufunmilayo Asipa: A Life of Faith and Dedication
On Saturday, May 3, 2025, my beloved mother, Elizabeth Olufunmilayo Asipa, peacefully passed away just days before her 72nd birthday on May 9. The news reached me unexpectedly while I was leaving my health club after a refreshing swim. My sister Tobi, a medical doctor who had been by Mum’s side since her illness began in late March, called with the heartbreaking message. Her calm voice could not mask the sorrow behind the words: “Sister Dotun, mummy has passed on.”
A Pillar of Faith and Education
Mum was a devoted Reverend in the Foursquare Gospel Church of Nigeria and a respected Secondary School Principal who retired as Deputy Director of Education in Lagos State. Her unwavering faith in Jesus Christ’s healing power shaped her life and those around her. Raised in a deeply religious household, her father, Reverend Gabriel Olorunsola Johnson, was a minister in the Apostolic Faith Church, a denomination known for its emphasis on faith healing over medical treatment. This spiritual foundation influenced Mum’s approach to life and health, instilling in her a profound belief in prayer and fasting as tools against adversity.
Despite transitioning to Pentecostalism later in life, Mum remained a fervent prayer warrior and evangelist. She often reminded us that our battles were not against flesh and blood but against spiritual forces, urging constant vigilance and prayer. Her conviction in the authority granted to believers was unshakeable; she frequently declared, “You don't know the kind of mother you have,” underscoring her sense of divine purpose and mission.
Our Complex Yet Loving Bond
My relationship with Mum was marked by both conflict and deep affection. Both strong-willed, we often clashed, especially during my youth when her strict discipline sometimes felt overwhelming. I recall a teenage incident where she disciplined me firmly, an experience that made me vow to keep my distance once I left for university. Yet, looking back, I appreciate how her insistence on academic excellence shaped my future. She hired tutors to help me with subjects I struggled with, like mathematics, and emphasized the importance of education as a pathway to success-a message that resonated deeply in a society where professions like engineering, medicine, and law are highly esteemed.
Mum’s generosity extended beyond our family. Even during modest Christmas celebrations, she ensured neighbors received food, embodying the spirit of giving. When I left for university in Ibadan, she accompanied me to the bus park, praying silently for the safety of all passengers-a quiet act of love that I only fully understood later.
Celebrating Milestones with Grace
Though not extravagant, Mum cherished marking significant life events. Her 50th birthday was celebrated with family and friends in church and at home, despite financial constraints. For her 70th birthday in 2023, she embraced the occasion with renewed joy, purchasing new fabrics and outfits as inspired by the Holy Spirit. She even allowed a makeup artist and photographer to capture the day-unusual for someone who typically shunned such attention. These photos later became treasured mementos, including the lead image for her funeral, symbolizing her graceful acceptance of life’s seasons.
The Journey Through Illness
In March 2025, Mum confided in me about feeling unwell and planned to visit Tobi in Akure, where she worked at the Federal Teaching Hospital. Initially hopeful, we soon faced the harsh reality of her diagnosis. Admitted with pulmonary edema, further tests revealed uterine cancer that had metastasized to her liver and peritoneum. The doctors initially considered surgery, but the rapid spread made this unfeasible.
Seeking expert advice, we connected with an oncologist friend who emphasized the necessity of a biopsy to confirm the diagnosis-a step not yet taken. Following his recommendation, Mum was transferred to Lakeshore Cancer Centre in Lagos for comprehensive evaluation and treatment. Despite her initial reluctance to move, she eventually agreed, trusting us to make decisions on her behalf.
While the care in Akure was compassionate, it lacked the resources for specialized cancer treatment. Tobi’s dedication was extraordinary, often providing round-the-clock care, even sleeping in the hospital car park to remain close. Unfortunately, Mum developed pressure ulcers during this period, underscoring the challenges faced.
Final Days and Farewell
At Lakeshore, Mum received attentive care and showed signs of improvement, regaining appetite and strength. On April 19, I spoke with her by phone, reassured by her positive spirit and her acknowledgment that the Lagos centre was superior to the previous hospital. She humorously remarked she would be the “slimmest, trendiest grandma” upon discharge.
Plans were underway for outpatient treatment, including immunotherapy or chemotherapy. However, on the morning of May 3, the fluid in her lungs returned, causing severe breathlessness. She was rushed to a nearby hospital in Idi-Araba, where she passed away before admission.
Mum’s funeral on May 17 in Lagos was a gathering of family, friends, colleagues, and church members whose lives she had touched. I was honored to deliver a tribute amidst the whirlwind of funeral preparations-a moment both humbling and surreal.
Embracing Grief and Finding Solace
The loss of a mother is a profound void, incomparable to any other. As I navigate this journey of grief, I find comfort in the support of loved ones and in reflections on Mum’s enduring spirit. Grieving is a deeply personal process without a fixed timeline, marked by moments of sorrow and healing.
Recently, spending time with my husband and daughters has been a balm. My sixteen-year-old’s interest in the 2005 series Desperate Housewives led us to a poignant scene in Season 4, Episode 4, “Welcome to Kanagawa.” In it, a character recites a poem titled Immortality, often attributed to Clare Harner or Mary Elizabeth Frye, which beautifully captures the essence of enduring presence beyond death:
Do not stand by my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints in snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
As you awake with morning’s hush,
I am the swift, uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circling flight,
I am the day transcending night.
Do not stand by my grave and cry,
I am not there; I did not die.
This poem resonates deeply with how Mum lived and continues to live in our hearts. Though her physical presence is gone, her spirit remains vibrant-alive in memories, prayers, and the love she sowed.
Dear Mum, may you rest in eternal peace. You lived fully, loved fiercely, and left a legacy that will forever inspire us.
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