National Coming Out Day has been observed annually on October 11 since 1988, serving as a moment to raise awareness about LGBTQ+ rights and emphasize the significance of embracing one’s true self through coming out.
This year, the Up First newsletter invited readers to share their personal coming out journeys. Over 170 heartfelt responses were received. Below are selected stories that reflect diverse experiences, along with valuable guidance for those contemplating this important step.
Note: Responses have been condensed and refined for clarity.
Build a network of support
Victor Ortiz, Jr. captures a joyful moment on a London double-decker bus. Credit: Victor Ortiz, Jr.
Victor Ortiz Jr. first confided in his sister after his initial boyfriend ended their relationship because Victor was still closeted. To soften the impact, he told her he was bisexual, though that wasn’t his true identity. His sister responded with warmth and acceptance.
Shortly after, during a visit to the San Antonio River Walk, Victor shared the same “bisexual” truth with his father, hoping to shield him from pain. “I masked my truth with a lie I thought would protect those I love,” he reflected.
Victor kept his identity hidden from his mother, fearing she wouldn’t understand. For 18 years, he lived a life of concealment until meeting Joe, a friend who encouraged him to embrace his true self and connect with the gay community.
At 37, Victor met his future husband. This past July, at 42, he reached out to his parents via text to share his story and introduce them to Justin, the man he loves. His father responded with unconditional love, while his mother has yet to reply.
“I believe my mom struggles with communication. I know she loves me, but I wish we were closer. I think she would adore Justin,” Victor shared.
Victor’s advice: “Cherish yourself. Surround yourself with trusted allies and remember that your identity is valid. Hatred stems from ignorance and has existed forever, but you matter deeply. Don’t lose hope-there is someone out there who loves you exactly as you are.”
Practice patience and compassion with family
Anu Gupta beams with a warm smile. Credit: Anu Gupta
“I realized I was ready to come out when pride transformed into honor-honor in loving differently,” said Anu Gupta.
At 28, Anu revealed his sexuality to his parents. Raised in an Indian Hindu immigrant family in the U.S., he lacked the language and role models to express his feelings during his youth. Discovering he was gay in middle school, he resigned himself to secrecy.
His perspective evolved through daily meditation in his twenties, which nurtured self-love and acceptance of his sexuality.
During Christmas 2013, Anu decided to be open with his parents. He carefully prepared his words and asked for their full attention before sharing that he was gay. Though his parents appeared heartbroken, Anu holds no resentment, embracing his identity without shame.
“Two years ago, on Diwali, I proposed to my fiancé on the very couch where I came out to my parents, with their blessing and support. It was a powerful moment of healing and hope,” Anu reflected.
Anu’s advice: “Show kindness to loved ones who struggle with your truth. They are on their own journey of acceptance as parents, siblings, or friends of LGBTQ+ individuals. With patience and love, even the most resistant hearts can soften-my experience is proof.”
You control your own narrative
Winnie Aghenu shares a bright smile. Credit: Winnie Aghenu
At 17, Winnie Aghenu chose April Fools’ Day to tell her younger brother she liked girls. She wanted someone to confide in about her crushes, and the playful holiday helped ease her nerves about his reaction.
Her brother responded with unwavering support, expressing love and concern for her heart. He remains her closest confidant and strongest advocate.
“As a Black queer woman, living authentically has deepened my bonds with family and friends and connected me to a community of queer Black women I might never have met otherwise,” Winnie shared.
Winnie’s advice: “Only come out when you feel truly ready. Don’t let external pressures rush you. Coming out is a profound act of vulnerability that shapes your life-honor your own timing. Remember, you hold the keys to your happiness.”
Reveal your truth when it feels safe and right
Mel Barkalow enjoys a snowy day. Credit: Mel Barkalow
In 2024, Mel Barkalow embraced her queer identity openly after years of internal struggle. Instead of a formal announcement, she simply stopped concealing who she was-wearing pride symbols and participating in LGBTQ+ events as a community member rather than an ally.
Her family and friends accepted her transformation naturally, as if nothing had changed. “It felt less like coming out and more like a rebirth,” Mel explained.
Though she lives in a conservative area and moderates her public expression, Mel proudly displays pride and trans flags alongside the American flag, signaling a safe space for others. “I hope to be the person who humanizes what others fear or misunderstand,” she said.
Mel’s advice: “I understand the need to hide sometimes-I’ve been there. If you can’t come out safely, that’s okay. But don’t keep it all inside. Find someone to share your truth with and cultivate a support system. These connections are essential for growth and survival. You are vital just as you are. Believe in your beauty and worth-I believe in you.”
Prioritize joy over safety
Ash Schade captures a selfie moment. Credit: Ash Schade
Editor’s note: This story includes references to suicide.
Ash Schade, 32, endured a challenging journey as a trans man. After undergoing conversion therapy as a child, he struggled with suicidal thoughts and survived a suicide attempt at 22. “In that moment, I chose honesty and a second chance over silence and death,” Ash recounted.
He publicly came out on social media, facing backlash from those who remembered him as the prom queen and a “pretty girl.” Despite obstacles, Ash began hormone therapy, experienced an unplanned pregnancy, and embraced fatherhood.
Due to threats and safety concerns, Ash and his family relocated to Michigan, where he is currently awaiting bottom surgery.
“Being out and accessing care has been a blessing. I hold a job, maintain sobriety, and raise a healthy daughter as an ordinary man. The thought of returning to a life of concealment terrifies me,” Ash shared.
Ash’s advice: “Choosing happiness over safety is difficult but necessary. You may lose people and have to rebuild your life, but it’s better to live authentically now than regret it later.”
If you or someone you know is struggling with suicidal thoughts, please call or text 988 for immediate support.
